Om Nama Bhagavathe Vasudevaya
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Biography
Thanks to Siddharth and Samir (sons of Shailaja ji) for the information they have provided.
Shailaja Nadkarni was born in the ancestral home of a Saraswat Brahmin family on July 27, 1946 in the town of Belgaum, Karnataka near the coast of the Arabian Sea. She entered the world in the same room her mother did. They were intense Mangeshi Bhaktas, a form of Lord Shiva found at the Mangesh Temple in Goa. Shailaja moved from city to city and ended up seeing much of India through various postings of her father.
Primary schooling was often in mission schools, so much of her upbringing was guided by the Christian sisters who taught her, and she always had a very fond place in her heart and remembered those hymns and carols she learned from them.
Her medical education started at Mahatma Gandhi Medical College in Indore were she was at or very near the top of her class. She was known to read the textbook for the course coming up next semester! She was said to have an eidetic type memory and could often tell you where on which page she read something.
In 1977 seeking warmer weather, the now family of four moved to Florida, to a home in Altamonte Springs where Shailaja ji spent 13 years serving her husband, rasing her children, running a house, and growing an incredibly busy all while growing a successful practice in pediatric cardiology. She was the second pediatric cardiologist in Central Florida and the first Indian woman physician in Central Florida as far as we know.
Until the early 1980's Shailaja ji was a proper and dutiful Hindu, lighting the light every night and performing her puja and aarti. There was no visible interest in Philosophy. Her method was to perform action. In 1985 she first heard vedanta from Shri Pavitraji, a brahmacharini (at the time) visiting Orlando. This was in a small church. Shailaja ji remembers the line that "opened me up." Pavitraji was talking about how the personality can go from a "bud” form to bloom out completely sending it's fragrance "wafting into the universe." A more prophetic line has not been spoken, seeing what has happened here in Orlando. That fragrant love has drenched us all in deep and subtle ways.
She started Bala Vihar with Bala Ramayana at home with her two boys at 188 Spring Lake Drive in Altamonte Springs. This was the embryo that has grown to a 400 member strong Mission in Orlando. From the house, the Bala Vihar and Geeta Study group moved to her husband's office for space considerations, and subsequently to rented rooms at UCF as the numbers grew. Finally a small house was brought on a plot in Casselberry for Bala Vihar and study groups in the name of Chinmaya Mission. As the Indian community grew in Orlando, so did the Ashram, in land and campus, and eventually with the construction of Kaivalya on the premises. She was given the highly unusual title of Acharya as a Grihasthi, and was soon becoming the spiritual mother of countless souls.
Her Guru
Swami Sivananda Maharaj said “Let each person take the path according to his capacity, temperament, and understanding. His Sadguru will meet him along that path.” For Shailaja ji, that Sadguru was Swami Chinmayananda. The instant she saw Swamiji at a camp in Pittsburgh in the year 1985, she knew she had found her Guru. From then on and till the end she lived a life of total Surrender to her Guru, Pujya Gurudev as Iswara and none other than the Supreme Self. At the beginning of class you could hear her say with utmost faith “This is not me speaking. Pujya Gurudev is speaking through me. I swear that this is the Truth. If I lie, may my tongue fall.”
She was fortunate to travel with Pujya Gurudev several times to places including Tirunelveli, Trivandrum, New York and Hongkong. She accompanied him as a doctor but primarily a disciple, totally surrendered at his feet. Every now and then during her lectures she would recollect those experiences with such vivid detail and unfiltered emotion, leaving us in awe of her love for her Guru.
In August 1991 came what she would recall to be the greatest 10 days of her life, when Pujya Gurudev announced out of the blue, that he would be spending 10 days at her home in Longwood, Florida. Those 10 days she recollected in elation “My feet never touched the ground”. The room were Gurudev stayed has been preserved by Shailaja ji as is, like a shrine.
In 1993, when Pujya Gurudev was hospitalized in San Diego, Shailaja ji was at his side. Many of us have heard her narrate the experience of her sitting in the hospital corridor around 3 AM when she received a call from Swami Chidananda (disciple of H.H Swami Sivananda and then president of Divine Life Society) asking her to go to Gurudev’s room and ‘bask in the presence of Brahman’. Click here to watch her describe those moments.
After Pujya Gurudev’s samadhi in August 1993, Shailaja ji would dedicate the last 25 years of her life, living every day in the service of her Guru, spreading his message, growing the mission in Orlando and nearby areas, all while transforming the lives of everyone who came in contact with her.
Of special mention is the year 2015-16 which marked the centenary year of Pujya Gurudev.
Shailaja ji had a vision to perform Gurudev’s Paduka Pujas at devotees homes and ideally to perform 108 such Pujas. Which meant that on every weekend of the year at least 2 Pujas needed to be done. Surprisingly (or not surprisingly), the weekends began to fill up quickly. As the fervor started to catch on, devotees rushed to grab spots on the calendar.
Amma performed every single Puja with tremendous devotion as always, showering so much love on the hosting family as wellas every single attendee. It was soon a well established ritual. She would go to the Ashram to invoke the blessings of Gurudev’s Padukas, take them with proper care to the devotee’s home, where they would be welcomed with the chanting of the appropriate mantras. Amma would then perform the Paduka Puja, followed by a discourse on a specific topic from the Bhagavad Gita. Aarti and Mahaprasad would follow. Amma would thank the host and then carefully return the Padukas to the Ashram after which she would head home, around 10 PM or later. This was the routine every Friday, every Saturday and even some Sundays for an entire year. She had brought all of us together that year, blessing our homes with her presence and Gurudev’s presence. She gave us such fond memories, that we will cherish as long as we live. At last count, she had completed 120 Paduka Pujas in that 1 year. An amazing feat. Here is a video that has snapshots of events that year.
Here are the exact words she used so often to describe her Guru, Swami Chinmayananda.
It’s not the way he walks, nor the way he talks
But how he understands and makes me know myself
I take refuge in him
He knows my heart and guides me on the path
He is a Yogi
He is a Sage
He is my Guru.
To hear it in Amma’s own voice click here.
Chinmaya Mission Orlando
The story of how the mission at Orlando came to fruition was narrated to us by Shailaja ji herself. In 1985 the young couple of Shyam and Shailaja Nadkarni attended a lecture by Bramhachirini Pavitraji, an ardent devotee of Gurudev. Her message was how one’s personality should unfold like the blossoming of a flower, spreading the fragrance of service, love, and peace. This stirred something in the heart of the couple. They wanted more for them and their 2 little children. Pavitraji pointed them to camp in Pittsburgh where an old Swamiji from India named Chinmayananda was going to conduct lessons on Vedanta. The couple did as directed. That’s when the magical moment happened. Just seeing Gurudev and listening to him speak, the couple was so touched and inspired to learn more. As the camp came to a close, they asked Gurudev how they could continue what they had just experienced. He advised them to start a Study Group on the Gita and a Balvihar for children in the area. When Shailaja ji said she knew nothing about the Gita, Gurudev in his characteristic laughing tone said “Well, that’s why you need a study group. To Study”;
They started a small study group and Balavihar in the area. Soon, together with 3 other families, land was purchased in Casselberry. It came with a small 2 bedroom house. Gurudev himself visited the property and blessed the house with the name Tapovan. The mission in Orlando grew quickly.
In 1989 the surprise announcement came. The annual Chinmaya Spiritual Camp in the West, would be held in Orlando. Nervous devotees, plunged into action, gearing up for this big event which attracted devotees from all over the US. Gurudev’s camp was a huge success.
In a visit to Orlando in July 1993, Gurudev would point out the location where the murti of Lord Shiva would be installed, in area that he named Kaivalya (detachment, ultimately leading to liberation). This would be the last center that Gurudev would open, before he attained Mahasamadhi. It is also the only center to have the name Kaivalya for its sanctum sanctorum.
In 1999, in the holy presence of Pujya Guruji, Swami Tejomayananda, the murti sthapana and prana pratishtha were performed in this Kaivalya hall.
In 2007 after the demise of her husband Dr. Shyam, Pujya Guruji appointed Shailaja ji as the president of Chinmaya Mission, and in 2008 conferred upon her the title of “Acharya of Chinmaya Mission”.
Under the loving care and inspiration of Shailaja ji, by 2010 the mission had grown to over 250 devotees. A kitchen and dining area were added and inaugurated by Pujya Guruji himself. With that many children and adult members, more space was needed. Four years later, in 2014 another building project would expand the Kaivalya hall, add new classrooms, an office and a bookstore. Pujya Guruji himself inaugurated the building in July 2014.
For the next 14 years, Shailaja ji worked tirelessly and joyfully to further grow the mission as well as helping each one of us in our evolution. Membership has grown to over 400 today.
The Mission runs like a well-oiled machine and debt free, thanks to the tremendous work and inspiration of Shailaja ji, who served till the end as nothing but a mere instrument in the hands of her Guru Swami Chinmayananda who as she would repeatedly say is Saakshath Lord Krishna, who is none other than Lord Shiva himself.
Schedule
To get a perspective of Amma’s schedule one should be aware of the various roles she played. Behind all these was the unmistakable presence of a disciple totally surrendered to her Guru who was her God and synonymous with the Supreme Self.
As mother of 2 boys who now live in the Northeast with their families and as grandmother, she was always there when needed (See incident at Havan). When she was with them she gave herself totally.
She practised almost till the end as a Pediatric Cardiologist, at her practice in Maitland. To those unaware, this is an extremely complicated field of medicine treating newborns and preemies who had congenital heart disease. She had a unique clinical acumen, and her partners would routinely ask her to listen to a child’s heart if they ever had a question about something they heard. During this time she performed cardiac catheterizations on infants whose hearts were no larger in size than walnuts. A tireless professional, she literally helped save the lives of countless children. The most amazing thing about all of this is that not once in her hundreds and hundreds of hours of lectures or in casual conversations would she ever bring up her accomplishments. Most of us did not even know she was a doctor for many years.
Chinmaya Mission consumed her non-working hours for the most part. She was made Acharya by Swami Tejomayananda. She was also the President of Chinmaya Mission Orlando. All these were mere letters on a paper for her. She was at her best on Sundays. (See section on her Sunday schedule). Arriving as early as 6 AM her day would be filled with lectures, prayers, study groups, counseling whoever needed came to her for guidance.
Mother to all - Everyone in the Central Florida area who have known Shailaja ji, undoubtedly will agree that she was mother, Amma to all of us. The 400 some members in Orlando will vouch for this. With that ever- beaming smile and outstretched arms she would hug one and all, irrespective of how long you have known her and irrespective of your role in the Ashram. She showered that unconditional motherly love equally on all of us.
Outside of the ashram, she conducted numerous study groups, nearly every evening of the week. Bhagavad Gita here, Vivekacudamani there, a text for the senior folk who couldn’t make it to the Ashram in Casselberry… it went on and on.
Pujya Gurudev had also appointed her to the Board of Directors of Chinmaya Mission West, a rare appointment given the number of Senior Swamis and mission workers in the West.
As if all of this wasn’t enough she was the coordinator for the Mission centers in Kissimmee, Fort Myers and Daytona. This would require her to travel to these centers once in a while and inspire them to evolve and grow.
With this much going on, her doors were still always accessible to anyone who needed to talk to her. And for sure there were many of us. Who else could we go to? She was our guiding light. Our Guru, our Mother.
Sunday at the Ashram
Morning Class
Every Sunday Shailaja ji would begin classes at Tapovan at 8 AM. The Gita or similar text for an hour. (There were times when she would teach an Upanishad text at 6 AM even though only a hand few would attend.)
Prayers & Assembly
Then came prayers at Kaivalya from 8:45 AM ending in Hanuman Chalisa.. Then the assembly till 9:30 AM.
Philosophy Class
She would conduct the adult Philosophy class from 9:30 to 10:30. The topic usually was an Upanishad or an ancillary text. She would begin every class by invoking the grace of Gurudev and the Lord. No class would take place without her preparing for it, sometimes for hours. She would make detailed hand-written notes to facilitate the session. Each verse would be rendered with perfect pronunciation, tone and pitch by her melodious voice. The explanation of the verse was such a joy to listen to, as she would intersperse it with many related stories and anecdotes especially of Gurudev, devotional songs for example by Tulsi Das, Mira Bai etc. and she would skillfully weave it all back together to summarize the essence in a few bullet points. We would all be amazed at the breadth and depth of her knowledge, her memory and her ability to bring it all together with such ease. An hour would fly by. We miss those classes!
Tea Break
After the philosophy class, during the tea break she would meet in the Kutia with volunteers and review administrative tasks. Tea and snacks would be served to her but 90% of it always came to us.
Gita Study
Gita study groups would start at 11 AM with her rendition of the Dhyana Sloka. 2 Verses typically were covered. She would encourage us to do the talking for this hour, but skillfully guide the discussion through poignant remarks and pointed questions. Her summary at the end was a treat that we all looked forward to. Even there she only spoke from a prepared mind.
Aarti
At noon, she would start the Aarati, with the song ‘Aarati Sri Chinmaya Satguru ki’ followed by numerous bhajans and vedic slokas.
Her melodious voice steeped in devotion while singing Jai Radha Madhava and Jaya Gangajataadhara, still rings in our years. A real treat for all.
Lunch
She would be one of the last to have Mahaprasad (lunch), visiting every corner of the Ashram if possible, making sure to stop by also at the crew cleaning the pots and pans outside the kitchen. She would have lunch in the Japa room. Even there she would focus on the Ashram and not a whisper of gossip or loose talk.
Wind up
Close to 1:30 or sometimes 2 PM as the cleaning came to an end, she would be there for us, sitting on the dias in the Annashree with a group of volunteers whose faces have no trace of any tiredness despite all the work that just happened.
Amma usually was one of the last to leave the ashram every Sunday, only after the last volunteer got his or her hug from her. For many many years Sundays went on like this. Despite her physical absence today, the structure that she established still runs unchanged, fueled by the invisible momentum that magically guides us all.
Memories and Anecdotes
Getting to know Amma through this meagre list of anecdotes is like being shown a few marble stones and asked to imagine the Taj Mahal. Nevertheless these must be mentioned. And hopefully the list will grow in time.
Jnana and Bhakti: Amma was greatly skilled in explaining the most complex vedantic concepts, drawing correlations in daily life, drawing supporting slokas from so many texts. We would sit amazed at the breadth and depth of her knowledge, wondering where did a Grihastha like her get the time to read and learn all of this. At the same time she would be in a totally different zone when it came to devotional topics. Her description of Lord Krishna surrounded by Gopis or of Hanuman at the lotus feet of Lord Rama would be so moving that we were often transported into realms of Pauranik times. She’d often weave in a song, such as an Awadhi hymn by Tulsi Das and then go on to explain its meaning in Hindi and English.
The command of the subject of Jnana and the simultaneous melting in Bhakti came so naturally to her only because she saw absolutely no distinction between God, Guru and the Supreme Self. Hence her oft quoted line “We seek the blessings of Sri Gurudev who is none other than Lord Shiva who is none other than Sri Krishna.”
Dust particle: Humility was one of Amma’s great virtues. ‘Dust Particle’ was the term she most used when speaking of herself, as in: ‘I am a mere dust particle at the feet of Gurudev. I mean it’. Other adjectives usually heard were ‘Stupid one’ and ‘Buddhu’, the latter being the term she said Gurudev used, to address her once. All this would often leave us wondering what we would be then, in comparison. Giant balls of ego?
Swami Bodhatmananda was Amma’s student in Orlando.
Saints and Sages: Just as she saw absolutely no difference between various Gods, even though she was in total surrender to her Guru Swami Chinmayananda, Shailaja ji would quite often bring up during her lectures, various saints and delve into their lives whole heartedly: Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and his parables, Bhagavan Ramana Maharishi’s self-enquiry, Swami Vivekananda, Adi Shankaracharya, of course Swami Tapovan Maharaj and Swami Sivananda, and quite often Jesus, Gautama Buddha, Mahavira, Allah, St Francis of Assisi, and then Sai Baba, Tulsi Das, Mira Bai, the famous Maharashtrian saints Dnyaneshwar Maharaj, Tukaram, Namdev, Samartha Ramdas and so on... getting into another zone altogether when she spoke about them. With equal zest she gave us insights into Sages Vyasa, Valmiki, Vishwamitra… the list was endless. These weren’t tangents from the topic she was explaining, they weren’t diversions, rather all part of the single theme she was trying to communicate to us that God, Guru and Self are all one and the same, and that Self manifests us all of us.
Festivals: The 2 major religious events observed each year at the Ashram are the Maha Sudarshana Homam and Maha Shivaratri. On both occasions we were so used to basking in the presence of Amma, who would enter a zone of divine joy. From start to finish, she would stay totally involved in every aspect of the event, bringing together her strengths of Bhakti, Yoga and Jnana and doing it all with that perennial smile on her face.
Roaches: During the havan in Annasree (above), once a volunteer at the request of Bhatter ji, brought more wooden logs to keep the fire burning. Along with the wood came a few roaches which began to scurry around the havan. For most of us around the havan this created a disturbance, both external and internal our thoughts were on how to get rid of them. Amma would tell us explicitly not to touch the roaches as they were sent to witness the havan, and that they would be harmless. Thus they were all left alone.
Shivaratri: How could we forget her mood towards the midnight hour at Shivaratri. Standing close to the murti of Lord Shiva, she would become a child reveling in joy. ‘Look at that divine face!’ she would tell us energetically. Was this the same person who has been fasting since 6 AM, with not even a sip of water, yet having done pujas all day and having chanted the Rudri 11 times! We would watch in amazement. She would break her fast well past midnight after the arati and after having satisfied the long line of devotees waiting to get her hug!
No Emergency: On the day of Lord Krishna’s murthi sthapana, during the havan, Amma had as usual given her phone to a devotee as she didn’t want to be disturbed. (Rarely did we even see her with a phone in hand on Sundays. A welcome sight in these times!). This devotee received an urgent call from New Jersey that her son was critically ill and that time was running out. The devotee ran to Amma who was at the havan. Amma listened to her but said calmly to tell them to wait until the havan and aarti was over. Multiple calls kept coming. Each time Amma repeated the same message to the devotee, to wait, even saying that ‘everything will be alright with him’. None of us knew this was happening, as she stayed so calm as usual. It was only after the havan was fully done that she attended the call and rushed to New Jersey in the next available flight.
On the road: While driving with her, sometimes traffic would be snarled up till the eye could see ahead. Our frustration would show quickly. Her response was always to be patient and to think perhaps about a possible accident and to pray for the people who might be injured!
Even when parking in the Ashram or the Temple she would show much concern that cars were parked on the grass, hurting it. This concern for plant, animal and man alike, was there at all times. We learnt so much just by being around her.
Calmness on the water: Shailaja ji had a strong affinity towards nature, especially water. Once, she accompanied a senior Swami along with a few devotees on a boat ride on one of the region’s lakes. The Swami who seemed to have a penchant for boating, put the vessel through some extreme manoeuvers. As it rocked all about, everyone on the boat was literally screaming, except for two individuals: The Swami and our dear Shaila Amma. That same smile was etched on her face. Not a trace of panic whatsoever.
Making snacks: Any visitor to her house did not leave without tasting her amazing culinary skills. Although she would never admit to them. No matter what the time was, or what her condition was, she would make something for you. Once during the toughest times of her battle with cancer, we were at her house for a meeting. She became concerned that the bhajias she had made before the meeting had become cold and set out to make a fresh batch! We sat there and ate the snacks helplessly.
And at the same time she would never eat them herself. In the Ashram Kutia as well, any prasad given to her was instantly distributed to the volunteers around her.
Fearlessness: This incident happened a few months before she departed. One evening a friend who was staying with her at her house found her missing. Then came her voice from the garage. She went towards the garage (from inside the house) and to her absolute shock, there was Amma at the step going down to the garage with a bear standing upright in front of her. There was no sign of panic from Amma. In great hurry the friend pulled her back into the house and shut the garage door. Once inside, the petrified friend asked her what she was doing standing in front of the bear!
Financial rescue: Shailaja ji over the years has quietly helped many a family in times of their financial distress. For one such family that was in the doldrums she paid their monthly rent for the apartment and assited with groceries etc.
Numerous patients were helped by her with treatment when they had neither money nor insurance. She was one who lived by the words of the Gita.
Till the end: It was November 2017. Amma’s body was quickly giving up but she never for once gave up. Guruji had started a camp on the Bhagavatam and Ramanyana. Any ordinary person at her stage of illness would have given up and be confined to the bed. Amma signed up for these camps and watched them live, but beyond that she took copious notes, almost verbatim of what Guruji was saying. When a friend asked her why she was doing that, her response was ‘Only then it will be at the top of my mind!’. This went on till the middle of February!
She even paid attention to the house. She asked for the roof to be cleaned. She even planted a Parijat plant which takes many many years to bloom. Her wish was that a future resident would enjoy those flowers.
Her Residence
Shailaja ji’s residence at Alaqua in Longwood, FL resembles a spiritual retreat. Each room with its rare photographs of great saints and their artefacts, vibrates with a spiritual frequency left behind by many a great saint who has visited and stayed there. A vast library of books on a broad range of spiritual topics left behind by Sri. Shyam Nadkarni an avid reader, and added to by Shailaja ji over the years, fills the rooms. And then there are the good old VHS tapes from Pujya Gurudev’s times, played every day by that faithful VCR that never gave up, just like Amma.
Her Puja room was a treasure house in itself. An amalgamation of Gods, Goddesses, Saints and artefacts filled the walls and counter tops of the room where she did countless and countless pujas and aartis.
Prayers were never confined to just the Puja room. Her morning routine would begin with Pranayama. She would touch all the photos of Gods and Saints in her house, one by one, then light the lamp in her Puja room. After a few slokas she would offer the morning tea and only then sit down to drink it. Anything she ate or drank during the day would have to first be offered to God.
She would read the Gita daily, as prescribed by her Guru, watch one of Gurudev’s tapes, and at night along with prayers she would read a few pages of books by great saints such as Ishwar Darshan or Kailash Yatra.
Over the years many Swamis, Swaminis and Brahmacharis have graced her residence. Below is a partial list:
Swami Chinmayananda
Swamini Sharadapriyananda
Swami Tejomayananda (Gurudev appointed him as his successor)
Swami Swaroopananda (Swami Tejomayananda’s successor)
Swami Jyotirmayananda (disciple of Swami Sivananda)
Swami Bodhatmananda (student of Shailaja ji)
Swami Shantananda (president of CMW West)
Swamini Gangananda
Swamini Akhilananda
Swamini Radhikananda
Swami Ishwarananda
Swami Sarveshananda
Swami Siddhanandha
Swamini Kaivalyananda
Swami Prakashananda
Swamini Shivapriyananda
Vilasini ji
The final years
It was July 2017. Shailaja ji was experiencing a loss of appetite and had been losing weight for some months now. She underwent diagnostic tests. The results revealed the spread of cancer throughout her pancreas. It was inoperable.
I remember that day when some of us were called for a meeting at her residence. As usual she walked into the room with that beaming smile. And as a matter-of-fact she told us ‘I have been diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer. It is inoperable. My end is nearing. I could be gone in a few weeks or a few months I don’t know. But as we know it is only the body that goes’. We were all stunned. It seemed unreal. She was performing all her activities absolutely normally, with high energy, cheerfully. The sudden news that she could be gone soon hit us like a sledgehammer. It was unbearable. Everyone in that room was in tears except of course our Amma. Instead she was consoling us most of the time! We knew our world would be changed forever. But little did we know what was to come.
That Sunday July 9th - Guru Purnima day, she held the assembly in Kaivalya hall as usual, smiling as always and brushing off the magnanimity of it all. She started by saying she had a secret to share.
Below is a photograph of that moment
With a happy face, she matter-of-factly told us about her health condition. ‘No one must cry’ she made us promise. She talked about how much she loved us, how much she was thankful to us to have given her the opportunity to study the scriptures, and that her blessings and God and Gurus blessings will constantly be showering even after she has gone. “Love you, Love you, Love you. What has come in this world has to go. I got a call from Gurudev. He said ‘Om’ not Hello! I said, Yes Gurudev!. He said, your time is up now. I said, ‘OK Gurudev, I am ready. I have done as much as I can, as best as I can. I am extremely fulfilled and am very very happy. Nothing more needs to be done now… Be in Total Surrender to God. Total Surrender means Total Acceptance. And Love. Open your heart completely. Love is the only key to reach somebody. Nothing can touch anybody except love. So open your heart. Love everybody. Serve everybody.”
As the shock reverberated through the hall, she calmly talked about her successor. “A better person than me will come. Even if a young brahmachari comes, help him. They are very sweet, very good.” Looking back today we see how prophetic her words were. A young brahmachari is on his way to serve the mission in Orlando.
She left for New Jersey to stay with her sons and underwent intense treatment in New York city. Doctors there were so impressed by her resilience and said ‘Whatever she has in her, if she could put it in a bottle and give it to me, I’d give it to all my patients’.
After months of grueling treatment, her health appeared to get slightly better. She then moved back to Orlando in 2018. She even came back to the Ashram and started resuming her duties!
It was a miracle. But then again we should have known this would happen. This wasn’t an ordinary person. Slowly things came back to normal. At least for a few months. The entire ashram was in a state of euphoria. In addition to the classes at the Ashram, she even began a Vivekacudamani session at her house for those who miss the adult philosophy class due to Ashram duties! It was as if the good old days with Amma were back again.
But the body has its limits. Towards the end of 2018, her health began to deteriorate again. We saw less and less of her. And on March 18th, 2019 she left her body, advancing towards her Guru, her God. The eulogies poured in from all over. We knew it was merely the end of her physical body, but the beginning of a new phase for us, to try to live by the example she had set.
How she transformed our lives
It has been a year now since she left us. Her memories are etched in our hearts. Her presence is still felt in the Ashram. Many of us were fortunate to have spent at least a few years under her guidance. Some even as much as 30 to 35 years. And each one of us I am sure still thinks we were one her closest ones! Ask anyone here at the ashram and they will tell you the same thing: She transformed our lives.
It is said that real change happens when you don’t know it is happening. This was the case with so many of us. It was not what she taught, or how she taught it. Yes, those learnings have given us some knowledge. But the real transformation came because of how she led her life. A living example of the Bhagavad Gita. How she was an eternal fire-hose of love that would drown our egos. With that ever- smiling face and those outstretched arms ready to hug you, happy to look past all your shortcomings. That is how she changed us. That is how she grew us. We hope that this fragrance which has rubbed off on us will continue to inspire us; to evolve us to the point where we all become dust particles.
